I Want a Husband

I want a husband for the same reason every woman seems to want a husband. I want a husband who buy's me expensive shoes in the wrong size and reminds me that it's the thought that counts. I want a husband who spends his money on useless possessions that are anything but useless to him. I want a husband who spends most of his free time in his garage working on the four cars he certainly doesn't need. I want a husband who will flirt with the waitress when he takes me out to a nice breakfast at Gilwoods. I want a husband who will assert his dominance over me by readily claiming the TV remote every time we sit down on the couch. I want a husband who will put on football despite my forceful remindings that a new episode of real housewives is on. I want a husband who complains that work is difficult but the money is good while he surfs the computer for cheap hotels in florida.
I want a husband who complains that the electric bill, and phone bill are too high, over a text, while he's in the living room and I'm in the kitchen. I want a husband who complains that the sink is broken and chooses not to make the problem worse by not doing anything at all. I want a husband who hands me the rench to fix the sink and explains how to do it.
I want a husband who will snore all night and convince me that the passing freight train outside will leave a noise complaint. I want a husband who pulls all the covers off me when we sleep and wakes up yawning about having cold feet. I want a husband who compliments how good he looks while dressing himself in the clothes I picked out for him. I want a husband who splatters toothpaste across the mirror as he describes to me how dirty the bathroom is. I want a husband who leaves the toilet seat up and forgets to flush. I want a husband who critiques my cooking and explains to me the correct way to cook according to his last experience in the kitchen three years ago. I want a husband who will drive the kids to school and call me on the ride home to make sure it is a school day. I want a husband who forgets to pick the kids up at three. I want a husband who tells me the baby has a dirty diaper and hands him off to me to clean it. I want a husband who puts the kids to bed without reminding them to brush their teeth and picking out the barbie and transformer pajamas from the dirty laundry bin. I want a husband who notices that I forgot to color coordinate his ties and complains the laundry hasn't been done. I want a husband who asks to spend more time with me and says I work too much around the household. With all the perks of having a husband I don't know who wouldn't want a husband.